marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
