Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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