But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
bring money and cleavage
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
