I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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