You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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