You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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