I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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