so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
