then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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