I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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