Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
