eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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