so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
