Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
