were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize