Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im about as happy as oj after his trial
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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