I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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