I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
