youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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