this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
