You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
