I need help removing her.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Operation Purity has been aborted
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize