its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
