Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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