One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
