Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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