My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
