I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
