did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My hand turned me down
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
