I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
