Pants 0. Shit 1.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
