Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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