Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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