I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
