Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
