It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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