Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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