Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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