im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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