So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
