i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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