glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize