Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
