You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
