Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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