my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
