your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
