but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
