Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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