sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
