I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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