you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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