thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
