Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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