I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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