I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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