I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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