Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
