i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
