My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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