i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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