On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she looked like the before picture.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
