I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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