Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
