Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hippo gnu deer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
